he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
