At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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