Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
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I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
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His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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