i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
