Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
