Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
