I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
