I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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