she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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