He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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