i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
