For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
did i just pee glitter
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
