Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
