i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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