My liver just broke up with me...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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