So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
