I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
