she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
