dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
