Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
