idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
