i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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