toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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