Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
