I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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