im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
