You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
