Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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