i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Sorry my hands just texted you
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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