she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
