Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
