my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
