you guys were way drunker than both of me
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
