Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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