Will you blow on my dice?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
