i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
