I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
