Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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