she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
