plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize