do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
