It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
