I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My balls are so social today.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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