I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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