suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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