The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
