Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
