things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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