just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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