the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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