I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
