ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
