i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
