a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
