Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
my poor anus
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
