those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
