P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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