I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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