turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
