i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
