woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
