i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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