please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
