So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
