ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
