Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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