Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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