i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
